Skip to main content

The Unified Belt

What in the world is pun jap surapt? I’m sure I’ve butchered the name of the specialty martial art, but what is it? Rather, why is it? I mean, wasn’t tae kwon do exotic enough? Hell, the wax-on/wax-off folks hadn’t even used karate all the way up yet before venturing deeper into the martial arts beyond. Now, they’ve explored themselves into a strict prawn-and-prune diet and cracking cinder blocks with their ear lobes in preparation for a much-anticipated training retreat in a remote mountaintop compound with sprightly yet ancient guru whose tutelage is certain to secure victory in becoming the unified belt champion of both the feather weight and black jellybean divisions of the Snap Dragon Wah Chu League.

Good grief.

I mean, how many ways are there to kick somebody in the face?

But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. This is what we do, isn’t it? Twist and fold ourselves like origami paper until our situations are unique and special? You know, how there’s no other heartbreak like the one you’re trying to recover from? And there’s no other father-son tension like the static wall you scale every holiday? Your weight loss challenges are just so …

…typical.

And we hate this! I know I do. Believe me, for someone with “Above Average” on her license plates (seriously), the last conclusion I want to land on is the fact that my trials and troubles are much like everyone else’s. But they are. Different dates, names and circumstances, perhaps, but yearning, frustration, resentment and anxiety are yearning, frustration, resentment and anxiety at the end of any day.

I had to remind myself of this (quite rudely, I’ll admit) over the past two weeks. A long-standing contract came to an end sooner than I’d expected, lurching me into a financial pre-panic. What about my household? What about my programs? What about the spring break trip with my little girls? Property taxes? My new handbag?

I’ve spent the last 14 days weaving a substitute safety net until the heavy duty replacement can drop into place. At every stitch and purl, I whispered affirmations to myself … This has to happen … That will be so … Such and Whatever cannot take root … At every turn, I had trouble answering, “why?” Why, in real life, would my situation be so uniquely perilous that my list of needs and deeds might rank higher than anyone else’s?

Well, because I’ve trained on a mountaintop with a fishy old man.

Yeah, well, this unified belt is also commonly known as “unemployment.” Get over it.

Not at all to undermine my special purpose; I do have one. My circumstances are special, too. Just … only … to me. And that’s okay. I’ll continue to treat my challenges as matters of national security, but also try and remember that others are neither likely nor obligated to do the same. More importantly, this is the year I stop letting other people’s issues, insecurities, frailties, biases, hang-ups and bullyakkey edge ahead of my own. Karate. Tae kwon do. Pun jap surapt. It’s all a kick in the face. Block when you can. Duck when you can’t. I’m going to be a better fighter this year. To the rest of you, good luck out there in the ring.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Receipts

"I mean, who doesn't want their six-year-old daughter to hang out with princesses, and shit...?" A few of us nodded solemnly. Some threw up their hands, clicked their teeth in disgust. Many were quiet with sloped shoulders. Seated at long tables arranged into an open rectangle, we all pointed our bodies and attention towards him in agreement. I doubt the men would use the language "holding space for him," but that's what we did. We meet twice weekly to loosen their knots of habits, deeds, lessons and norms, particularly as partners and parents. Over the course of six months, we unpack trauma, toxic masculinity, self-actualization, expectations and accountability vs. responsibility.  They weigh the stakes of their relationships, wellness, and even their freedom. The men also have space --often, for the first time-- to admit their hurts, their misguided intentions, their inherited perspectives and debunk curious myths. This week, our check-in, a warm-up ...
Dear Deborah Brown Community School ~ It is quite a feat for a small charter to make national news.  It is perversely disappointing, however, to read that a charter school led by two black women is systematically persecuting students of color for celebrating the natural textures of their hair. As an educator, I understand and value the impact of comportment.  Indeed, many ills of the contemporary school environment can be aggravated by lax guidelines on conduct and appearance. Nonetheless, your policies against natural hairstyles levels a much more serious attack against your students.  Rather than teaching them how to be “presentable,” your policy forces the concept of “acceptable” at a disastrously early age. Yes, the school should vigorously mandate “neat,” “modest” and “respectable.” These are essential expectations.  Denying the option of neatly, modestly and respectfully showcasing the heritage of their hair, however, reinforces a wickedly...

Feed Them

If we examine our opinions, we can trace the tpuzzle seams between where we've been and what we truly know. I strive to be responsible with my opinions. Feed them a balanced diet of facts, perspective, narrative and whimsy. My opinions don't aspire to be big and strong. Just healthy. They don't yearn to be popular or franchised, just authentic and, hopefully, sturdy. Even when they appear to match, opinions have unique owners. "Defending" our opinions should mean sketching their lineage: origin, influences, close relatives, familial mergers, adoptions and a nod to the season they spent "discovering themselves." Opinions offer shorthand for our emotions, experiences and unasked questions. Question your opinions. Test them in private to see if they can answer for themselves. If they're nervous or insecure. Are they loud? Lazy? Misinformed? People pleasers? How do your opinions respond to inspection or opposition? Are they holding a grudge? We...